M.T. Pocketts's Blog

Hugs Matter!

21 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment

by The Girl with the Lotus Tattoo in Rambles

I discovered this little spot of heart-warming goodness thanks to Pandora Radio. Apparently this band became famous thanks to this video. One of the band members filmed this “Free Hugs” guy Juan Mann, and added one of their songs to it, then sent it over when he found out that Mann’s grandmother had died. I just find this absolutely touching and thought other people might enjoy this as well.

Technology and the Death of Communication

21 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment

by The Girl with the Lotus Tattoo in Rambles

Before I begin this rant that has been building within be for quite awhile now, I would like to first state that I am completely aware of the irony of where I am posting my complaints about technology and communication. But truly, where else can one anonymously tell the world exactly what they think? Facebook, Myspace? You have a name and a picture on those sites, here you can hide it if you wish and still be taken seriously.

Now, the reason for my rant is a handful of encounters with family in the last year or so that make me question the reasons for text messaging. Yes, it is a lot easier to keep in touch by responding to a quick message when you have a free minute. It is much easier and more socially acceptable to write a message and carry on a conversation in person at the same time. Those who talk on the phone while talking to someone in their presence are typically considered rude by both parties.

I am totally supportive of text messaging. As a college student, it is a very easy way to let my parents know that I’m out of laundry money or that I’m coming home next weekend while running between classes, homework and other on campus things–like food and coffee. Text messaging is vital. Over my four years at university I have gone from 250 messages per month to unlimited simply because that is how people communicate. I have had bosses text me important updates, even after I explained that I get charged when they make me go over on my monthly texting. Did it ever stop them? No. They were just more selective about when they sent me texts.

In the case of people who do not have unlimited text messaging, I feel you. I really do. Nothing is more annoying then that one person who assumes you have unlimited and thus sends “Sup” ever single afternoon. I have actually lost a friend because I finally replied saying I do not have enough monthly texts to reply to every monosyllabic message they send me. Apparently I was a little harsh, and frankly, I don’t blame this friend for deciding I was no longer worth their time.

All of this so far has been the on campus culture of text messaging. It’s survivable, once you establish whom you can text constantly and whom you cannot text constantly. There are two or three main people I text when I’m bored, simply because I know they are also on unlimited plans. Others I try to either call, or simply send one probing message rather than doing a long conversation. If the conversation gets long enough, I tend to just dial their number.

Which brings me to my ultimate point: there are some times when you need to pick up the phone and actually CALL the person.

I am utterly baffled by the coldness of text message communication at times. My best example happens to be one day when I walked out of my film class. It was a good day, and I was about to walk downstairs with a group to watch ‘The Ice Storm’ (one of Ang Lee’s American films, if you don’t mind weirdly artsy and sexual experimentation on screen I do recommend it) for class. Our class is in the library, where you check out the movies and reserve a viewing room for awhile to watch it in. On the way I pull out my phone to check my messages, as I always do after class and see that I have a text message awaiting me. Its from my cousin. We text back and forth, as she asked me if I knew one of our obscure aunts (our family has a lot of adopted relatives because we’re an awesome bunch, so we just add aunts and uncles). By this point, I’m going down the stairs as I’m textng back and forth.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, the group I am with has just checked out the key for a viewing room in the library, I get a message back saying that my aunt passed away that morning.

Needless to say, I had to skip the movie and I ran back to my dorm room so that I could sob in peace. My unfortunate roommate walked in on my tears, and thankfully she helped me calm down enough that I was able to join another girl later on to watch the movie so I did not miss anything. I had heard distantly that our aunt was sick, but no one had told me she was THAT sick. So not only was the news a complete shock to my system, I read it standing up and surrounded by people. A few months later, our uncle (the aunt whom had died was his wife) passed away as well. I heard this news again via text message, and again from the same cousin. It did not hit as hard this time, I guess because either my guard was up or for other reasons that will stay in the family book of secrets, but I still resented the fact that it was in a text message.

The last two straws have been this year, sometime between January and now. My very same cousin, techno-savvy darling that she is, posted on my Facebook wall that our aunt was in the hospital and she thought that I should know. Her mother then commented the post saying that it seemed the aunt was doing fine. First, I was pissed that once again my cousin does not seem to understand that when people are dying or in the hospital it is light enough to not call someone about. Second, this time it was on my Facebook wall. Everyone on my friends list could see it, and everyone also got to read the part where I asked who the hell she was talking about. Yeah, this aunt was actually someone I do not remember. Perhaps that makes me callous, or perhaps that means I have bad memory. However, the fact remains, that there are some things that do not need to be on my Facebook. Such as when she asked for pictures of my tattoo, which was again not on Facebook for personal reasons (nothing too horrifying, I just don’t want potential empoyers and former employers seeing it).

On Facebook, I finally told my cousin that she needed to call me if she was going to tell me these things. Yes, it took me forever, but I finally put it into words. I will not tolerate this anymore, its tiring. I need to hear your voice when you tell me that someone is sick, hurt or dead. My mother managed to video chat with me on Skype when my cat died (this was a very beloved cat, he died at a whopping age of 16 human years old), which honestly made it that much easier to deal with. She was able to be sure that I was sitting down, that she could comfort me because she could literally see how I was taking it, and most of all she was able to put my other cat on camera. Words cannot tell you how much that helped.

Now, by this point you are probably thinking that I am just angry at my cousin for only telling me through electronic means when people die, go to the hospital, etc. Not true. I love her as much as an only child can love a fellow only child that they practically grew up with. Plus, the final and last straw was not my cousin. It was my dad.

Like any young woman, I sometimes have a very bizarre relationship with my father. I think ours is wholly unique in certain respects, especially considering that my cousin and I are the only females in his family that he actually speaks with, but that’s a completely different story. I would like to think that dad and I have a fairly healthy relationship now. We hang out when I’m home, and I adore his fiancee. There’s just one little detail that royally pissed me off.

He tried to call me to share some news, which is fine, but I happened to be sitting in chapel for an Ash Wednesday service and therefore my phone was on silent. So what does he do instead of trying to call me again later to tell me the news?
He texts me that he had given an engagement ring to his girlfriend.

I was stunned for the rest of the day. Finally around dinner time I went to a friend just to try saying the words ‘My dad’s getting married’ out loud. Eventually I called my mom so that I could try and digest this. Its not that I was surprised so much as the text message made it hit that much harder. I couldn’t even really be excited for him, he didn’t get to hear me squeal or anything. I just got to sit there, stunned that he didn’t at least leave a voicemail. On top of that, I had just given up soda and alcohol for Lent. No rum and coke to soften my brain after that one.

Finally, I’ve come to the conclusion that people simply assume that because I am on the computer so much or studying so much, its completely alright to just talk to me there rather than bother me. No. Its not ok. I want to hear voices, when I am as far away from home as this (approx. 140 miles) I want the chance to talk to my family. Instead they text me everything rather than consider “Huh, maybe I should call for this one.”

Do not let communication die. If its going to make someone horribly sad or terribly excited, PICK UP THE PHONE and DIAL THEM.

Added 24 March 2011:

<a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXYY_ep5Nh0&feature=related”>CBS reports on the woman who fell into a fountain while texting.</a> While that would not be a fun thing to be publicly known for, and I am not attempting to make fun of her, I think this just goes to show just how far this instant connection crap is going. Our society is so in need of instant communication that we feel the need to text while walking, driving, etc. If its important you can stop and write the text, or stop and make the phone call.

However, the best example of phones becoming too important to us would be this:

Try to disconnect. Unplug. Distance yourself from your digital hook-up. You will appreciate it later when you took the time to enjoy the world before the computers take over.